A journey towards appreciating all of the beauty, hope and even the not so nice things that life has to offer.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

In ALL things show thanks!

....most of us show thanks for the good things, but how often are we thankful for the unpleasant things. (i.e. the poison ivy). I have heard that saying so many times throughout my life, but it never emotionally sunk in.  I have always understood that I should thankful, because things could always be worse....but to be thankful for the bad stuff???? I never got it....until recently.

Through my past posts, you can see that I was dealing with the stress of what I consider a deep betrayal.  I wanted so much to shut down, but I never did.  People around me thought that I was psycho, because I was so calm.  So much so that I started to wonder if something might be wrong with me.  But there wasn't, I had the peace that God promised he would give if we allow him to.  I had never felt it before, but I am so glad that I did.  It allowed me to think clearly and to continue to move forward.  I am thankful for that painful time, because it taught me how to let go and let God, it allowed me to truly forgive and it made me stronger.  It took away the weakness of fear and anger.  I learned so much and gained so much and I am very thankful.  I am thankful for the pain that brought me a new understanding of myself and new beginning.

Why have I been MIA for a while?...well that brings me to something else that I am thankful for....a diagnosis. Myofascial Fybromyalgia.  It is a life-long illness, but not a degenerative or terminal illness and for that I am thankful.  I take medication twice a day.  Am I in pain everyday?  Yes. I'm in pain right now.  Do my thoughts get jumbled? Yes.  Is it a struggle everyday to get up everyday, because of the sleep issues and fatigue? Yes.  My life has changed substantially.  My children's lives and my husband's life has been changed. Why then am I thankful?  First, because I was commanded to do so and I have seen what comes from truly being thankful in ALL things.  Secondly, I want my children to learn this lesson at a young age and not to waste time in moments of "why me?" or times of confusion, self pity or unnecessary sadness.  I am also thankful that I was reminded that I am not invincible.  I cherish the times with my family more.  I always cherished it, but it changes when you no longer believe that you will always be around, that there will always be more time.  I am thankful for the reminder to appreciate the pain free, quiet times. To have as much fun as I can, while I can, because I don't know what tomorrow may be like...or the next hour for that matter.  I am thankful that my boys have taken this in stride.  They step up in times when they see I can't and they do it in a way that doesn't make me feel insecure or saddened for my inability to act.  My illness is making them better gentlemen. Their future wives can thank me later. : ) My husband has stepped up in ways that I never thought possible.  He does not do well with hospitals, doctors or having to see me or the boys in any kind of pain.  In fact, I have to make him go to doctor appointments and he avoids hospitals as much as possible. He says that he can smell sickness when he walks in the door. Lol.  But, he refused to miss any of my appointments, he held my hand as they took my blood, he dressed me, fed me, held my hand while I cried from pain and fear.  He never flinched.  We often take into account that we will have to take care of an aging spouse at some point, but I'm 36.  That's alot to take on in the prime of your life.  But, he didn't flinch.  I still struggle with the guilt of not being able to do as much as before, for constantly saying I don't feel well and having to say "I can't".  He says, "that's okay, go lay down, take a break, I'll get it or, I will always take care of you".  He doesn't flinch.  I am thankful that my illness has brought an awareness of how much people love me.  Calls, prayers, cards.  It has reminded me to let people outside of my family know that I appreciate and/or love them and to not just wait for a special occasion or when I think they need to hear it the most.  People need that everyday.  I need that everyday.  It pushes you to take one more step when you feel like you can't go any farther.  It's energy.  It's strength.

I am thankful and I am proud of myself.  This journey has brought me to a new milestone.  I have learned to truly show thanks in ALL things!

To learn more about Fibromyalgia click here.  My journey down this road has just begun and I don't know where it will lead.   My understanding is that the symptoms will never go away, but through learning coping skills and medication it will get better.  If you suffer from Fibromyalgia or know someone that does, please share what is working for them or for you and I will do the same...until next time....

Friday, August 24, 2012

Lemons to Lemonade

Over the last 6-8 weeks, my highs have been really high and my lows have been really low.  I finished my class with an A, continued to become very comfortable and settled with sharing how I feel (respectfully but uncensored and unfiltered), I'm back to being a soccer and football mom and then........one morning I woke up and could not move.  Everything joint in my body hurt and my muscles and body were completely fatigued.  Thirty-five vials of blood, x-rays, a bone biopsy, a bone marrow biopsy, a rheumatologist, a hematologist/oncologist and weeks later.....still no diagnosis.  I've heard whispers of leukemia, bone cancer, lupus, and arthritis.  I had not been so unsettled in all of my life.  Not for fear of a diagnosis, but the waiting.  Thank God, they have ruled out everything they could think of....they were scary things and I was ready to fight, but where does that leave me?  I am doing much better now. Still a medicine lab rat and achy from time to time, but drastic a improvement. The only thing that bothers me is that there is no diagnosis. Will this continue to get better, go away or come back again one morning?  I don't know, but I can't or won't stop living while I am waiting to find out.  I am going to do what I can...

My bone marrow biopsy came back clean, so I immediately registered my info on the National Bone Marrow Registry.  I was blessed not to have cancer and if I can help someone else beat cancer I will.  The biopsy was not pleasant by any means, but I know it doesn't compare to the emotional or physical suffering that cancer patients have to  deal with every day. (I had a SMALL taste myself) ....My boys and I will be participating in a 30 hour famine fundraiser.  We will be educating ourselves on the suffering around the world, raising money and fasting for 30 hrs to experience what it is like to truly be hungry. (More info will come soon on how you can learn more, donate or join us.)  We are blessed and we need to recognize that everyday there is someone that would thankful for the things that we often take for granted.

I was given lemons, but I choose to make lemonade and I plan to make sure that it is a never-ending glass. : )

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

First Test Done!!!!

I just finished my first exam and a weight has truly been lifted off of my shoulders. Now all I have to do is  stress about how well I did until I get my grade. ;  ) Wish me luck!

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Late night.

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS! to all that have recently graduated...especially my niece Brentney. You are truly my hero.

So much going on...I am trying to plan two birthday celebrations, help plan my niece's graduation party, choose and coordinate summer camps/plans and study.  That's right, study.  Due to recent events in my life it has become a must that I seek employment.  I am currently taking my last class towards becoming a Medical Reimbursement Specialist. That's just a fancy way of saying that I will be working in coding and billing for medical facilities. ; ) I just finished reading and three workbook pages and I am exhausted.  A full day of being a teacher, a mom of two boys (and all that entails and yes it makes a difference that I have boys..those that have boys definitely understand...OMG!), laundry, cooking, etc. and now two additional hours of studying. YAY!..NOT! I like what I am studying and I pray that it will be worth it, but I am just tired. BUT, my boys are definitely worth it.  They don't live an extravagant lifestyles by any means, so I want to make sure that they will always be able to have access to the things that mean alot to them.  Like I said, they are worth it. Well, as a pick me up, I'm about to sign off and have some jello that my boys made and set aside just for me.  Ryan said that he wanted me to eat it today...technically it's already tomorrow, but he's sleeping so it will be our little secret. wink. wink. I hope that I can stay awake long enough to eat it. My boys love and take care of me and I will do WHATEVER I have to for them.  Because I love them and again, because they are worth it. ; ) Enough rambling....It's Jello time! Nite. nite or technically Morning...anyway bye!

Thursday, May 17, 2012

~You may not always reap where you sow, but you will reap what you sow.~

Monday, May 14, 2012

Serenity Prayer

I need serenity.....
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change; courage to change the things that I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."