....most of us show thanks for the good things, but how often are we thankful for the unpleasant things. (i.e. the poison ivy). I have heard that saying so many times throughout my life, but it never emotionally sunk in. I have always understood that I should thankful, because things could always be worse....but to be thankful for the bad stuff???? I never got it....until recently.
Through my past posts, you can see that I was dealing with the stress of what I consider a deep betrayal. I wanted so much to shut down, but I never did. People around me thought that I was psycho, because I was so calm. So much so that I started to wonder if something might be wrong with me. But there wasn't, I had the peace that God promised he would give if we allow him to. I had never felt it before, but I am so glad that I did. It allowed me to think clearly and to continue to move forward. I am thankful for that painful time, because it taught me how to let go and let God, it allowed me to truly forgive and it made me stronger. It took away the weakness of fear and anger. I learned so much and gained so much and I am very thankful. I am thankful for the pain that brought me a new understanding of myself and new beginning.
Why have I been MIA for a while?...well that brings me to something else that I am thankful for....a diagnosis. Myofascial Fybromyalgia. It is a life-long illness, but not a degenerative or terminal illness and for that I am thankful. I take medication twice a day. Am I in pain everyday? Yes. I'm in pain right now. Do my thoughts get jumbled? Yes. Is it a struggle everyday to get up everyday, because of the sleep issues and fatigue? Yes. My life has changed substantially. My children's lives and my husband's life has been changed. Why then am I thankful? First, because I was commanded to do so and I have seen what comes from truly being thankful in ALL things. Secondly, I want my children to learn this lesson at a young age and not to waste time in moments of "why me?" or times of confusion, self pity or unnecessary sadness. I am also thankful that I was reminded that I am not invincible. I cherish the times with my family more. I always cherished it, but it changes when you no longer believe that you will always be around, that there will always be more time. I am thankful for the reminder to appreciate the pain free, quiet times. To have as much fun as I can, while I can, because I don't know what tomorrow may be like...or the next hour for that matter. I am thankful that my boys have taken this in stride. They step up in times when they see I can't and they do it in a way that doesn't make me feel insecure or saddened for my inability to act. My illness is making them better gentlemen. Their future wives can thank me later. : ) My husband has stepped up in ways that I never thought possible. He does not do well with hospitals, doctors or having to see me or the boys in any kind of pain. In fact, I have to make him go to doctor appointments and he avoids hospitals as much as possible. He says that he can smell sickness when he walks in the door. Lol. But, he refused to miss any of my appointments, he held my hand as they took my blood, he dressed me, fed me, held my hand while I cried from pain and fear. He never flinched. We often take into account that we will have to take care of an aging spouse at some point, but I'm 36. That's alot to take on in the prime of your life. But, he didn't flinch. I still struggle with the guilt of not being able to do as much as before, for constantly saying I don't feel well and having to say "I can't". He says, "that's okay, go lay down, take a break, I'll get it or, I will always take care of you". He doesn't flinch. I am thankful that my illness has brought an awareness of how much people love me. Calls, prayers, cards. It has reminded me to let people outside of my family know that I appreciate and/or love them and to not just wait for a special occasion or when I think they need to hear it the most. People need that everyday. I need that everyday. It pushes you to take one more step when you feel like you can't go any farther. It's energy. It's strength.
I am thankful and I am proud of myself. This journey has brought me to a new milestone. I have learned to truly show thanks in ALL things!
To learn more about Fibromyalgia click here. My journey down this road has just begun and I don't know where it will lead. My understanding is that the symptoms will never go away, but through learning coping skills and medication it will get better. If you suffer from Fibromyalgia or know someone that does, please share what is working for them or for you and I will do the same...until next time....
