Tired of being good ...

So this is a question that I have posed to myself quite a few times over the years.  If everyone around you is doing whatever they want, having a great time, suffering very few consequences and are stress free, why not try it? I'm not talking about anything illegal. I'm just really tired of watching people skipping through life making decisions for right now without worrying or caring about the after effects.  While every decision that I make has been pushed through a filter of "what is best" or thinking of how will it affect someone else.  What about me? People think that because there are certain things that I don't do, it must be because I don't want to do them.  Not true. I have been to people what I wanted them to be to me, but somehow I don't get it back. Obviously, it's not important to them so why should it be to me? Don't get me wrong, I have some wonderful people in my life and my relationships with them remain the same.  But can't I have a trial period of just doing whatever I feel like? Not being sarcastic, but sincerely wondering. What does it feel like? It must be nice otherwise it wouldn't be so popular. I don't think that I would want to live that way 24-7, but a "vacation" every once in a while would be nice.  Rhianna has a song called Good Girl Gone Bad. The lyrics basically talk about a good girl who is fed up being done wrong and so she turns "bad". One line says that once a good girl has gone bad she's gone forever. If that's true, does that mean the lifestyle is so good or addictive that once you give it a try that you can't go back to being "good"? I understand that you should treat people the way that you would like to be treated, but doesn't that also work in reverse? I know this post is going to prompt some people to think differently about me and some will be tempted to contact me with every biblical verse that they can find about turning the other cheek, but this is how I feel. I think that if you were completely honest with yourself, you would admit that you have felt this way as well. Whether it was a friend, co-worker, family member, acquaintance or even a stranger, someone has caused you to ask this question.  I'm not saying that I am about to turn into a vigilante or a pleasure seeking narcissist, but it has crossed my mind. More than once.

                                                                                                                        *Good Girl Gone Bad*

This Woman's Work

Today, I woke up at 6:30 and for me that is NOT normal. I am by no means a morning person.  I often joke that Ryan and I are members of the 10 more minutes club.  When you wake us up, after we growl at you, without pause we groan, "10 more minutes, please". ; ) ....... I slept well and dreamt all night about people on there way to or from getting married (except for a brief dream about a tow truck picking up some cars) and I was happy for them. I think I even crashed a reception. {I might be adding that to my 2012 to do list. It looks fun in the movies.} ....Anyway, it was strange to have those dreams about happiness and new beginnings when I am currently dealing with loss and the anticipation of loss.  The loss of my best friend, the looming and inevitable loss of loved one's lives and the loss of what I envisioned for my future.  My father is ill. Which I have never known him to be sick, other than a cold. EVER! I'm packing for a move and the weather outside is cold and gloomy.  I am tired and mentally and emotionally drained.  I want to crawl into bed, under the covers and just disappear. But, I can't. I have to keep moving. I have things to do. I have people that depend on me. Maybe, my dream was to remind me to have faith in hope and the future.  I'm not sure. I know that this time will pass, but in this moment this is what I am feeling. So, I will put on a smile and keep it there until it feels right. I can't get lost. I just found myself......

                                                                                                              *This Woman's Work* by Maxwell

Pretty Wings...

Welcome to my first Music Diary post.  Music is like air to me. Whether I'm happy, tired, excited, sad, angry or mad music gives me balance. This Music Diary will share the music that serves as the soundtrack for my life.  At times I may explain why I have chosen a song and others times I won't, but the lyrics will always speak for themselves. My first post is Pretty Wings by Maxwell.  Why? As I said, the lyrics always speak for themselves. Sometimes your choose to fly, sometimes you're given a gentle nudge and other times you're pushed off a cliff, nevertheless, you must fly............*Pretty Wings*

Music Diary Coming Soon!

Check back regularly. Thanks.