Lemons to Lemonade

Over the last 6-8 weeks, my highs have been really high and my lows have been really low.  I finished my class with an A, continued to become very comfortable and settled with sharing how I feel (respectfully but uncensored and unfiltered), I'm back to being a soccer and football mom and then........one morning I woke up and could not move.  Everything joint in my body hurt and my muscles and body were completely fatigued.  Thirty-five vials of blood, x-rays, a bone biopsy, a bone marrow biopsy, a rheumatologist, a hematologist/oncologist and weeks later.....still no diagnosis.  I've heard whispers of leukemia, bone cancer, lupus, and arthritis.  I had not been so unsettled in all of my life.  Not for fear of a diagnosis, but the waiting.  Thank God, they have ruled out everything they could think of....they were scary things and I was ready to fight, but where does that leave me?  I am doing much better now. Still a medicine lab rat and achy from time to time, but drastic a improvement. The only thing that bothers me is that there is no diagnosis. Will this continue to get better, go away or come back again one morning?  I don't know, but I can't or won't stop living while I am waiting to find out.  I am going to do what I can...

My bone marrow biopsy came back clean, so I immediately registered my info on the National Bone Marrow Registry.  I was blessed not to have cancer and if I can help someone else beat cancer I will.  The biopsy was not pleasant by any means, but I know it doesn't compare to the emotional or physical suffering that cancer patients have to  deal with every day. (I had a SMALL taste myself) ....My boys and I will be participating in a 30 hour famine fundraiser.  We will be educating ourselves on the suffering around the world, raising money and fasting for 30 hrs to experience what it is like to truly be hungry. (More info will come soon on how you can learn more, donate or join us.)  We are blessed and we need to recognize that everyday there is someone that would thankful for the things that we often take for granted.

I was given lemons, but I choose to make lemonade and I plan to make sure that it is a never-ending glass. : )

Avery Got Her Wings..Rest in Peace Angel!

Many of you may have heard of a baby girl named Avery Canahuati who was suffering from SMA. Those with SMA rarely survive past the age of two.  Avery was five months old and had created a blog in order to bring awareness to SMA and to chronicle her marking things off of her "bucket list".  I had just become a frequent visitor of her blog last week and was truly saddened and brought to tears to find out that she lost her battle yesterday.  True to form, Avery did not want anyone frozen in sadness due to her passing. She wanted action. Avery, posted that she wanted all of her millions of new friends to remember her by bringing awareness to SMA.  She had set a goal to raise 1 million dollars to get a therapy program out the lab and in the hands of doctors to help those with SMA.  There is $365,000 left to raise.  Please visit Avery's blog to see all of the fun and exciting things that she accomplished in her short time here, to learn more about SMA and/or donate to the fund.  Please send everyone that you know and don't know to this site. Click here.  Rest in peace, Avery.

They censored my baby. ; )

While we were in the middle of doing Ryan's science lesson, out of the blue he asked,"What is wrong with school?" I asked him what he meant.  He said that when he was in [public] school they had an in class project that required him to write a mini book.  He said that the teacher said that they could write about anything that they wanted and then they had to draw pictures and read it to the class.  He said that he wrote about Jesus and that his teacher said that he couldn't read it.  This came as a shock to me as he never told me about the situation. I asked, "Really, are you serious?" He said, "Yeah, what is wrong with school?" First, I was so proud that of all the things he chose to write about Jesus. Then, I was surprised not that he was censored, but that he didn't like that Jesus was not allowed.  I was so proud of him.  Don't get me wrong, I am not one of the homeschooling moms that bash the public school system.  (I know they exist.) I went through public school and my nieces and nephews currently attend public school.  My children excelled academically, had some good teachers and friends in public school and they may one day return. My simple reason for homeschooling is that it works for us. Current changes in my life may threaten my ability to continue homeschooling them, but with that being said I will continue to do so for as long as it works. I will at some point go more in depth with our homeschooling journey, but as this came up today I wanted to share this story. Until next time....

Be Trustworthy ....

A Quick Update:

Ok, so since my post on April 3rd, alot has happened.  The loved ones that I mentioned both lost their battles - one on the evening of the other's funeral.  My niece's minor surgery turned major, with her ending up in ICU and on a respirator.  My move was anything but a smooth transition and I am physically and emotionally drained.  I completed the No Soda Challenge and Ryan and I succeeded with flying colors.  I soon had a few Pepsis and considering what I have been through, I am okay with that. (I could have definitely done ALOT worse!) I haven't had a soda in over a week and am back on track to having them in moderation.  My dad is doing better and we are awaiting news as to whether he will have to have surgery. His spirits are better and he's getting stronger everyday. My plan was to give more details, but at this point I can't.  I am too tired and just want to move forward.  I have cried and I have been angry.  I have forgotten to eat.... and at times I have forgotten to breath.  No more dwelling in this place.  I may visit from time to time, but no more dwelling.....

Dance.

Be present in this moment.

But, I didn't say Twix.

On, Tuesday I was on the phone catching up with my friend M as we have been playing phone tag for over a week.  Just before we got off the phone, she said that if I needed anything to let her know.  I told her that I appreciated the offer, but that I was ok.  She said that she knew that I was like her and probably wouldn't take her up on her offer.  Knowing that she was right, but not wanting to say it, I told her that I would call if needed.  She said that to make it easier for me to ask for help, she would give me a code word. Twix. She said that all I had to do was call and say it or text it and that she would take it from there.  We ended our conversation and I went about my day.  The next day at 12pm I received a call from her.  She said, "I need to drop off dinner for you guys." I said, "What?, but I didn't say Twix".  M said that she knew I wouldn't call so she made dinner anyway.  We made arrangements and I thanked her with one of the most sincerest thank yous that I have ever given. (I hope that she knows that.) We hung up and all that I could say was, "Thank you, Jesus." I was so thankful! (I guess that she could hear in my voice that I really needed help.) She made two jars of White Chicken Chili and it was delicious.  She sent it with shredded cheese, jalapenos, sour cream and salsa. {My boys ate it plain w/ tortilla chips because they said that it was good all by itself. : ) } We  polished off a whole jar last night.  Click here for the recipe.  Thanks again, M.

* I am working on learning how to accept help and to ask for it.  You would think that it would be easy, but for me it is not.  I feel uncomfortable on the receiving end.  My mom once told me that accepting help isn't always about me, it's also about allowing others the opportunity to feel joy of helping.  She said that sometimes accepting help is actually a gift.  I'm working on it, mom.

Trust your truth.

                                                                                                                                   

The Spice of Life.....

I have gotten to a place where I am in a "love me or leave me" frame of mind, because now I truly love myself independent of how people feel about me or treat me.  I am not perfect, but I am darn near close and I say that not with conceit, but with pride.  I have worked very hard over the years to get here and I am still working.  I have had to challenge some of my "own" thoughts for proof of authenticity only to find that they were really the thoughts of others, disguised as being mine.  My idea of perfect, is me being true to my thoughts, beliefs, accomplishments, feelings, spirit and yes, even my mistakes.  My perfect may be the polar opposite of yours, but that's okay.  I'm the only one that can be me and you're the only one that can be you.  That's what makes this world so interesting! Off the subject (or maybe not), I have never liked that saying that America is the "Great Melting Pot".  The premise is that we all come together bringing different things and melt together to make something great.  The only problem with that scenario is that each ingredient loses some of the properties that made them unique and/or different and are no longer readily identifiable.  I chose to see America as the "Great Salad Bowl".  Cheesy, I know, but hear me out. In a salad, all of the ingredients keep what gave them their "flavor". You can look at the tomato and know what it is, it tastes the same, it retains it's firmness, and texture.  The same with all of the other ingredients.  They keep what made them special and yet come together to make something bigger, greater and new.  The dressing binds them together, just as the flag binds Americans or a common goal or bond binds any group of people together.  The point: no one should ever feel that they have to lose a part of who they are in order to belong to a group.  Different perspectives ignite conversations and ideas.  I love myself, but if I went to a group meeting and everyone dressed or looked like me, spoke like me and had the same ideas... first, I would pinch myself to see if I was sleeping or in the Twilight Zone.  Then, I would run to the nearest exit and find another group.  Although, it would be a delightful group of beautiful, intelligent, caring, funny women each wearing a hot pair of shoes (wink.wink), I need variety.  After all, as they say "it's the spice of life!"

~I'm not sure if I got off topic, changed the topic or what, but this is where my mind took me and I went with it. I hope that you didn't get lost along the way : ) ~

It's A Miracle...

"There are two ways to live your life.  One is as though nothing is a miracle.  The other is as though everything is a miracle."       ~Albert Einstein

I choose the latter.  I am exhausted tonight, but I am truly thankful for all of my miracles.  It's a miracle that we completed our school work, I ran all of my errands, made a real dinner, played soccer with my boys, did three loads of laundry (even though I only put away two of them), washed dishes, took the boys to the movies and still got everyone in bed on time.  I am so thankful, that I just made a pan of brownies to celebrate. [Yes, I know what time it is.]  And it's gonna be a miracle if I don't eat the entire pan by myself ..... that may be the biggest miracle of them all!  : 0 )

*Choose to be positive. Your life might be jammed pack, exhausting and maybe even frustrating sometimes, but the alternative is that it could be empty.  See the miracles.

My First Valentine

Ok, so let me start off by saying that I don't have dessert every night..although I do think about it every night.  (Especially something fruity or chocolate)...So when my boys got their speech together to debate their way into getting ice cream and a smoothie, they didn't get any opposition. After the fabulous dinner that I made last night consisting of pork roast, herb potatoes and broccoli, we deserved a sweet treat.  PS. I was quite proud of my first pork roast and will share the recipe at some point.  Anyway, back to the dessert.  So I made my first stop to get my 8yr. old a smoothie as ice cream just doesn't do it for him and then on to the ice cream shop..Yay!!!! So my 12 yr. old got this crazy concoction of flavors in a waffle cone and then.........it was MY TURN.  I was a good girl and got vanilla bean yogurt (Although, I don't understand how they can legally call that stuff yogurt when it tastes just like ice cream if not better.) I COVERED it with strawberries, pineapple and of course a few sprinkles of graham cracker crust.  While I was waiting to check out "Cupid" started playing through the speakers.  Some of you are going..."What?"... Cupid was written and performed by Sam Cooke (now some of you are saying, "Who?") in 1961.  To this day, it is one of my daddy's favorite songs and as I grew up hearing it alot, I know all the words.  I started dancing and singing to myself while waiting in line.  I could hear my dad singing along as he did on many car trips to my grandma's house.  When it was my turn to pay, the guy said, "You must be having a really good day." I smiled and said, "I sure am." He smiled.  Needless to say when I got home I devoured that poor dessert, but the best part was not the dessert...not this time anyway.  It was hearing that song and thinking of my dad, that made my night special.  He's my favorite man in the whole world. To this day my dad still sends me a Valentine no matter where I am and it always gets to me on time....So to my first and year round Valentine who comforts me, supports me, loves me and makes me laugh......Happy Valentine's Day, Daddy!....I love you....

What are you waiting for?

We have all heard the saying, "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.", but when is it time to stop planning and time to start living?  I was watching one of my neighbors load a cherry-wine leather sofa into a truck and was thinking of how beautiful it was.  Before I could compliment him on the sofa, he said "This couch cost us $****.** and we have never sit on it." I asked him, "Why not?" He said, "My wife won't let us." : ) That made me smile and reminded of the "off limits" room that was at my parents' house when I was growing up.  I remember trying to sneak in there and sit down or touch something without my mom finding out.  (After all, my dad didn't care if we went in there or not. This "special" disease only seems to afflict women. wink,wink) The way I would sneak around, you would have thought there were silent alarms or motion and heat sensors in there.  It was like my own covert operation on "Mission Impossible".  You may laugh, but you know what I am talking about.  You know someone that has a room that is off limits, or did, or that person is YOU! : )  I too, was that way for a while, just on a smaller scale ....special plates...special cups...special silverware neatly packed in a special place planning for that elusive special day sometime in the future.  Then, one day I was visiting my sister and she was eating off of a piece of china.  I was appalled! How dare she?!? What was she thinking?!?  "Aren't those your special dishes?" I asked and she responded, "Yes".  I then asked, "Why are you using them?" She said in a natural, simple, matter of fact tone, "Because I'm special, why wouldn't I use them?."  Just then, the light bulb in my head turned on and the angels started to sing. Okay, I admit that was a little dramatic. There wasn't any singing, but you get my point and I did think, "Wow,  how profound and yet so simple." You may have thought that my original thoughts in response to her using the china was ridiculous, but if you have a special room or special napkins or anything that is off limits for daily use, aren't you being ridiculous too?  There is nothing wrong with having nice things, but if they are tucked away in a vault, are you really enjoying them?  If you are living your life waiting for a special occasion, are you present in your life today?  Are you miserable and exhausted today, while planning for a spectacular relaxing vacation in the future?  Am I saying that you should wander through life without directions or plans for your future? No......,but don't spend so much time planning your life, that you forget to live.  So take the plastic off the couch, dust off the china....and start living.  : ) What are you waiting for?

What's In A Name?

Here we are starting our journey.  So, let's start at the beginning.  Some of you might be wondering, "where did the name of this blog come from?" Well, like many of you, I have always loved butterflies and dandelions, but poison ivy...not so much. Butterflies symbolize beauty, long life and transformation.  Likewise, anyone that has ever made a wish while blowing the "seeds" off a dandelion "flower" knows the magic of hope and wishes associated with the dandelion.  That's if you were able to blow all of the "seeds" away in one breath. I never had the lung power : ) ....  If it smells good, feels good, or tastes good, we're sold, but what about the things that may not seem that appealing.  We usually ignore or avoid them, often without truly investigating them to find their worth.  Example: poison ivy......  Did you just start itching?  I did : ) .... It is hard to have a positive reaction to something that has only been given a negative connotation. The name doesn't help either, but what about the good things that it has to offer.   Get past the name and think of the plant itself. The leaves are actually pretty and quite vibrant in color. Yes, touching the leaves can get you in trouble, but did you know that deer eat the leaves and that squirrels and songbirds eat poison ivy berries and seeds? or that it has medicinal purposes and treats a host of conditions including anxiety/depression, menstrual issues and of all things, itching skin diseases?  Think of how many great things we are missing out on, because we have judged the book by the cover or the by the first couple of chapters.  I wanted my blog to have a name that would encourage others and remind me to appreciate the beauty, hope and the not so nice things (or the things perceived as such) that life has to offer.  Thus the name, Butterflies, Dandelions and Poison Ivy.  Everything serves a purpose and we must find something positive in the things that seem completely or overwhelmingly negative.  You may have to look with a magnifying glass to find it, but it IS there.